The word "self-confidence" can be heard all the time: at work, with friends, in the news and social media. But what is being ‘self-confident’ really about?
Let me share my views and learnings on it, as a coachee and as a coach.
In my twenties, I was not a confident person, be it at work and in my personal life. My low self-confidence was throwing me the same questions over and over: who am I? Am I doing a good job? Am I learning fast enough? Am I meeting my manager’s expectations? What am I doing here? Am I good?
If I wanted to move forward, I knew I had to find my way to gain more confidence. At some point, I decided it was time for me to work efficiently on my confidence.
During a coaching session, I came to realize the following: my hear and brain knew who I really wanted to be and I should not focus on who people wanted me to be. Today, I doubt I am who certain people wanted me to be. I am certain though that I am who I want to be and do what I want to do. It was a long way with many obstacles but I am proud of who I am now and what I've accomplished.
As a coach, coachees come to me with self-confidence challenges on a regular basis. While digging deeper into it, they come to realise that the missing self-confidence is a perceived block to move forward in their love life, self-development, personal life and/or career. They make their current state of confidence wrong and seem to be waiting for something perceived as lacking before they can do something to change. That missing self-confidence is the root cause and the barrier to take action. They can’t move forward because there is a sense of not having.
A different approach could be the extreme opposite: what are you confident about today, no matter how important/small/big/meaningful it is? It is about getting a person to reconnect and accept who they are and see the strength and value they already have. Hence, based on that existing confidence, what can you do to strengthen it or build on top of it? Starting from that existing confidence, there is a regained confidence which is coming from within, instead of expecting it from outside. It will make the decided undertaking more feasible and impactful.
What will you gain by taking that additional yet feasible action? Whatever comes out will be an extension of the existing, which facilitates the ownership and integration of that grown self-confidence.
So, what about your self-confidence now? Ready to (re)gain more of it?
If so, try to follow the above questions and see where it leads you. Otherwise, you know where to find us.
Also, we would love to hear your stories around self-confidence. Drop a comment!
Kim Chea is an Associate Coach at SeeAre Pte Ltd. His attraction to international environments started in his early years. Born to a Chinese descent family living in Cambodia, he moved to Europe, studied in Toronto and Beijing, worked in Paris before coming to Singapore in 2012.
While exploring the outer world, Kim delved into the internal world of people as well. This led him to successfully become an Associate Certified Coach (ACC) as per ICF standards.
Kim has the ability to support his clients in their understanding of the experienced challenge and help them design their own creative and optimum solutions.
To learn more about Kim or SeeAre, visit www.seeare.co